Many of you already may know that my children are all two years apart. They are almost exactly two years apart and so for four babies now, I’ve had a reigning two year old with a newborn (or two). Recently, there have been several family members in the forums who have asked about toddler behavior and the new baby and so I thought I would summarize some thoughts in a blog. If you want to discuss specific problems, please feel free to visit this thread to get support from other mommies.
That Whole Terrible Two Thing
I have written quite a bit about the terrible two’s, maybe because the twins are two right now. But essentially, there is a push for independence and when their need for independence clashes with your need to be the mom often temper tantrums result. This is normal and frankly, how you handle this time period will have consequences on your child‘s behavior later. But many parents note that their toddler’s behavior becomes worse towards the end of the pregnancy or with the arrival of a new baby.
The Competition
You may well have planned for your little one and even if you didn’t, you’ve had nine months to get used to the idea. Your love for the your new baby is unconditional and it doesn’t matter how many sleepless nights you’ll endure or how much time you spend changing the new baby’s diaper.
Your toddler on the other hand had no choice in the matter to add to the family. To add salt to the wound, this new ‘thing’ is taking away precious time that your toddler used to spend with you. At a time when he needs you to focus on Elmo and the wonders play dough, you’re busy with the competition.
Regression of Behavior
It is normal then, given that you’ve brought competition in the house, for your toddler to regress in a variety of behaviors. Potty training is the most common, but many toddlers also exhibit sleep issues, and behavioral issues as well. Acting out is completely normal. The good news is that as your family adjusts to the new baby, a lot of these behaviors simply stop becoming a problem. In my next blog, I’m going to focus on two mistakes that parents in this position often make in dealing with their toddler.