What I am about to say doesn’t just apply to others…it is something I have been guilty of as well. It is the mentality that you “know” the right way to parent, the right way to handle a child at a particular stage of life. Or at least you know what you will and won’t do. But then suddenly you are finally in that stage and all of your “knowing” goes flying right out the window.
Most of the families I surround myself with have teenage children. But there are also other families whose children are younger and I once-in-a-while spend time with.
One family in particular has three young girls. I believe the oldest is maybe seven years old. We were in a setting in which those little girls were intermingling with my preteen, teens and then some other children.
The reality is that my preteen was acting dumb. He was teasing a younger girl about liking Justin Bieber. He saw it was getting a reaction from her, so it became fun to continue.
Of course it is ridiculous that an older child would tease a little girl. And when I found out about it, I did correct my son. But I also knew it was not a huge deal. I mean, teasing about Justin Bieber just doesn’t sound like a crime. But the father of the little girl was mad…I mean, really mad.
Through the course of time, I ended up hearing later on that this father had a few words to say about my child. I still didn’t understand how it had become such an issue but apparently he “knew” the right way to deal with my child.
Well I think the only reason he “knew” is because he isn’t there yet. All he could see was through the eyes of a seven-year-old girl. He wanted to protect his daughter, I get that. But I am looking through the eyes of my 12-year-old son and I know that a verbal correction is all that is necessary.
The reality is that most of us look at the stage other parents are dealing with and we think we know how it should be handled. We are going to put down the iron fist, or we are going to do this and that.
I am learning it’s enough to try and figure out the current parenting stage you are in, before you decide you are suddenly an expert on the next one. So please don’t look ahead to the next stage of parenting (myself included) that someone else is dealing with and think you know what to do.
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When Parents Are Pitted Against Each Other
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Parenting by the Seat of Your Pants
Photo by theogeo in Flickr