I wrote earlier about how getting back into the swing of dating can take more than just making up one’s mind that the time has come. Once we single parents decide that we are ready to put ourselves out there, it opens up a whole new can of worms. In addition to getting support and taking things at a slow and non-desperate pace as I wrote in Part One, it is also important to figure out the place that dating will play in our already busy lives.
We have all heard horror stories of parents who neglect or ignore their children in the mad dash to find a mate. Granted, it can be incredibly tempting to want to put our all into dating so we can get it over with and I have read more than one “advice” article that suggested a dating adult needs to make dating a priority, but we single parents have other priorities. While our children our young, they come first and those of us who have older kids know that striking the right balance with older children is challenging too. Work, family, self-care—where does dating fit in?
Only you will be able to decide how much time, energy and resources you can devote to dating. There are some questions to ask yourself as you decide, however: Can you date when your children are with their other parent or will you date while they are with you too? How much can you afford to budget for dating? Dating can be expensive and it is unreasonable to expect that the “other person” will be the one who pays. While there are many ideas for cheap or free dates, there is still transportation, a babysitter, and other expenses to contend with. A single parent needs to budget dating just like any other household expense. Will you include your children on dates and do “family things” or will you keep your dating life separate?
Some single parents find that joining some interest groups and expanding their social lives on several levels can help them to meet new people without the pressure of exclusive dating. Others find that they need “adult time” and it feels good to be able to dress up and go out on official dates. Regardless of how you decide to approach it, deciding the role that dating will play in your life is an important step.